Do you ever see something that someone is doing and have a desperate wish to do that same thing? But it doesn't fit into your life, you tell yourself, you are too busy or not good enough or the kids aren't old enough or there isn't enough money . . . all of these thoughts and some legitimate concerns keep you from taking the next step. Keep you from listening to that voice. So the place inside you that longs to live, to follow your dreams, to take a creative leap out of the every day existence you have built to be comfortable and predictable and workable--it goes back to sleep.
I experience this feeling fairly often. Mostly when I hear a really great recording and I wish I had my songs out there in the world for other people to listen to everyday. Or when I read a really great blog post by a Mom I admire who is pushing to live her dreams and seems to be doing it well like Andrea or Heather. In fact, I have been reading blogs like this for years, since I was pregnant with Luka, and these ladies seem so together and so successfull and so alive!
Someone once told me that we feel envious or jealous or sad or angry around other artists because we may wish we were honoring those parts within ourselves. This is something that I commonly experience on the artist end of things when people have a very visceral experience of anger or annoyance with what I do. I realize that they have issues and try not to take it personally, or think that I suck too bad.
But this morning I let myself say it.
Not out loud yet. I want this. I want it bad. This is what I want. How can I get it?