About a month ago now I moved almost 1000 miles with my 2 kids and our dog, bringing with us to Ohio only what we could fit in our Toyota Matrix wagon. Almost all of our furniture and goods we donated to another single mom who had just moved out of the local women's shelter and into an apartment of her own. As I helped her load her van with most of our collected household items, I knew that each little piece of possessions would be cherished and utilized, and each dollar she saved by receiving these things was going to go to feed and clothe her family. I saw the survival in her eyes, and I was glad to be a part of hers, though I may not have been able to convey that I truly understood. I quit a well-paying job, left a community of beloved friends, even passed up a music opportunity I'd been waiting on for almost a dozen years, all because I knew that at this difficult time in life it would be better to be near family. Better for me and my kids.
All of this change has left me reeling. Stripped of possessions and things and a place to call my own, I am left to contemplate the directions my life is taking, the choices I am making. Fear rears its head and inside my mind a litany of toxic thoughts takes up residence. They tell me I am no good, ugly, fat, poor, a failure, a bad mom,washed up, the black sheep . . . on and on.
Add to that the insult of a terrible back injury and my monkey mind went to town creating a toxic web of traps.
After about a week of that I decided it was time to take action and turn them around. Luckily I stumbled upon an author who addresses this common issue with compassion and good solid advice. I have been reading "How to Heal Toxic Thoughts" by Sandra Ingerman by way of my dream teacher, Robert Moss. Thankfully with a little vigilance and repetition, the negative thoughts are getting easier to tame.
Another powerful method I used, thanks to Robert's teachings, was simply asking my dreams to assist me. Basically it means that before sleeping I ask for the answer to a particular problem to come by way of my dreams. Sometimes, more often than not, it requires multiple nights of requesting before any light is shed, but this issue came clear in a couple of nights, and sometimes the problem is solved by the dreaming, leaving me free of the issue altogether in the morning and after.
How do your dreams help you? Has there been a significant healing dream in your life?
P.S. I will tell you about that dream in my next post . . . in the meantime I am enjoying the beautiful retreat pictured above, a literal paradise in Ohio, Blue Heron Farm.